How my best friend’s suicide changed my life.


How my best friend’s suicide changed my life.
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It’s been 7 years since my best friend took his life. There haven’t been many days pass where I haven’t missed him in some way or another—he was and always will be my best bud.
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The day I heard of his passing, I was on patrol and getting gasoline at a Maverik gas station. I remember sitting in my car thinking it was a joke. “It couldn’t be real; he wouldn’t do that.”
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The funeral arrived, and it was the day I realized, “it was real; he did do that.”
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I blamed my lack of communication, my absence, and myself for things I could have done to change the outcome. I couldn’t make sense of it. Was he upset at me for not being the officer to prevent it?
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We have all played that game—what if?
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What a dark game created by the adversary.
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Later in life, I’ve realized my buddy changed my life. He gave me a new perspective on life and lined me up for my current position in law enforcement.
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I’ve been able to find peace as I’ve served my friend. He isn’t here physically, but his death has brought the light of life more fully into my everyday activities.
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I’ve learned that my personal peace is found during deep pain and anguish through my Savior, who “descended below all things” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:6;122:8) “that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:12).
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I’ve channeled my feelings and turned my anger, my pain, and my “what if’s” into as much light as possible. I want people to know there is peace in Christ; there is joy in serving.
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There have been answers from the spirit that I can’t find in Holy scripture—It’s personal revelation. The Lord has guided me through the process, and given me answers. I don’t play the “what if” game anymore. Why?
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Because the Lord has directed my path, and He has given me comfort through His Gospel—personal revelation has put me at ease.
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When I put away my worries and replace them with the Lord’s Gospel, I’ve learned that I do not know the full circumstances surrounding my buddies suicide. Only the Lord knows all the details.
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Following faithfully has allowed me to hear Him and know He is mindful of all of us.

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